The Pressure of Expectations: Balancing Career, Motherhood, and Dating as a Single Mom
Some days, it feels like I’m constantly balancing on a tightrope. The pressure to meet expectations—from my child, my job, and even in the dating world—can be overwhelming. As a single mom with a full-time career, I often feel like I’m holding my breath, hoping I don’t tip too far in any one direction and lose my balance completely.
I think one of the most difficult parts of all of this is the fear of falling short. As much as I try to focus on being kind to myself and giving grace where it’s needed, the little voice in the back of my head still whispers: What if you’re not enough? And that question lingers, especially in three areas of my life where expectations feel highest—motherhood, work, and dating.
The Guilt of Motherhood
Being a mom is the most rewarding, yet terrifying, job in the world. My child looks at me like I’m a superhero (at least for now), and I want to live up to that image. But let’s be real—there are days when I feel like I’m just scraping by. Between juggling work deadlines, cooking dinner, and keeping up with school events, it’s easy to feel like I’m not giving my child enough attention or quality time.
Sometimes I worry that I’m not doing this “mom thing” right. Am I spending enough time with them? Am I teaching them the right values? Will they remember the times I was too tired to play or the nights I was preoccupied with work? The fear of letting them down weighs heavily on me. I don’t want them to ever feel like they’re second to my career, but at the same time, I know that I have to keep pushing forward to provide for them.
What makes this even harder is the fact that, as a single mom, there’s no one to pass the baton to when I need a break. I wear all the hats, and some days, I’m not sure how well I’m wearing any of them. I just hope that when my child looks back, they’ll see how hard I tried, even if I didn’t always get it right.
The Pressure of Career Success
Then there’s work. Having a full-time career while raising a child on my own is a challenge. In my job, I’m expected to be on top of things—to meet deadlines, stay organized, and show up with my best ideas. But the truth is, there are days when my brain is so fried from everything going on at home that it’s hard to focus.
The pressure to prove myself professionally is intense. I want to show that I can excel at my job despite my personal responsibilities. I don’t want anyone to think that being a mom somehow makes me less capable. But there’s always that fear—what if I mess up? What if I’m not good enough to balance both my career and my child’s needs?
I feel like I have to work twice as hard to ensure that neither aspect of my life suffers. But the reality is that sometimes one does. There are days when I stay late at work because I need to get something done, and I hate that it means missing out on family time. Or days when I’m present with my child but mentally distracted, knowing that my inbox is overflowing with unread emails.
Finding that balance is elusive. And the fear of not living up to expectations at work is very real. I don’t want to be perceived as unreliable or not fully committed because of the demands of my personal life. But sometimes, I wonder if I’m burning myself out by trying to be perfect in all areas.
Dating as a Single Mom
And then there’s dating—an area that feels like a minefield when you’re a single mom. It’s hard enough to find time to go on dates, but then there’s the added pressure of trying to meet someone’s expectations. When I was younger, dating felt more carefree. Now, it feels like there’s so much at stake.
I worry about being judged for being a single mom. Will they understand that my child comes first? Or will they expect me to drop everything to meet their needs? It’s tough to open up to someone new and hope that they’ll accept all the complexities of my life—the schedule juggling, the tired nights, the fact that my free time is limited.
There’s also the fear of being seen as “too much” or “not enough.” Too busy, too complicated, too focused on my child. On the flip side, I worry about not being able to give enough—enough time, enough energy, or enough attention. The dating world can be brutal, and being vulnerable again is hard, especially when I already feel like I’m spread thin across so many responsibilities.
But, at the same time, I want companionship. I want to find someone who understands and accepts me as I am, with all my messy imperfections and busy life. The fear of not being able to meet their expectations, though, sometimes makes me hesitant to put myself out there.
Giving Myself Permission to Be Imperfect
The one thing I’m slowly learning is that I don’t have to meet every expectation perfectly. It’s okay to fall short sometimes. The world isn’t going to end if I don’t manage to finish that work project exactly on time or if I need to order takeout for dinner because I’m too tired to cook.
I’m realizing that a lot of the pressure I feel comes from myself. Yes, there are external expectations—from my job, from society, from dating—but the harshest critic is often me. I want to be the perfect mom, the perfect employee, and the perfect partner, but I’m learning that perfection isn’t the goal. Showing up, trying my best, and being kind to myself when things don’t go perfectly—that’s what matters most.
As a single mom, it’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough, but the reality is that I’m doing more than enough. I’m raising a wonderful child, maintaining a career, and still finding space to look for love and connection. That’s no small feat.
So, while the fear of not meeting expectations will always be there in some way, I’m learning to embrace the fact that I’m doing the best I can. And maybe that’s more than enough.
At the end of the day, I know that my child won’t remember how perfectly I balanced everything. They’ll remember the love, the laughter, and the moments we spent together. And if I keep that at the forefront of my mind, I can quiet the fear and just keep going.
